Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
