i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Pooping to opera.
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