I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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