My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
