I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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