Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
