Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
