My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
