Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
