I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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