I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
