47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
