I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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