dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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