hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
