I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
