Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
