I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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