Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
