bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
