Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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