So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
