Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
