HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
