You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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