we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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