He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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