in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
