Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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