you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
