I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
