the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
