now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
