i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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