believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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