when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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