Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
