You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
