you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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