9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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