Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
