is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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