My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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