I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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