Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
