He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
