I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
