Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
