i would punch a child for taco bell
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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