im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
